* Please forgive me for this short and muddled entry. I'm too damn sleepy!! :P


~LAst Night was Awesome!!

SArina's classmates had a BBQ at East Coast and i came down after work to join them. It was so damn fun!

I bought a sunflower and surprised my baby when i arrived :)

Though it was the first time i was meeting most of them, they warmed up to me quickly and i felt like i was part of the class.

Good Food, Good Friends and Laughter by the Bucket Loads :D


PS* Drunk people say and do the funniest things :D

We spent the night at the beach and my baby came over to my place to take a nap, bathe and then head home

To be honest, i felt really jealous cos i miss being in school and i'll have to wait till next year to have a chance to be in one.. Fingers crossed

**************************************************************************************

~ On to the subject of my medical, i was told that i had to go for an intensive sleep study in september which is gonna cost me 1000 smackers!!

There is no way that i can afford to get that kind of money in such a short frame of time and so i'm left with no choice but to cancel it :(

It really sucks when you ain't well to do

Guess i shouldn't complain to much.....

**************************************************************************************


Gosh!! I really miss Sarina so damn much even though i just spent a whole night and a day with her! i love this girl too much!!

She makes me go Wheeeeeee!!!


Love ya!!! Love ya!!!


....okie.. time to sleep :P

6th months Together is the start of Now and Forever

Today marks the 6th month of my relationship with sarina and i wanna say that i'm really glad that i met her and fell in love with her :D

My baby girl is the BEST thing in my life and i really do not want to spend my life with anyone else. She is the Bright Star that shines the way for me on my Blackest nights and the wind in my sails that pushes me forward when the waters get rough. 6 months has given us plenty of memories both GOOD AND BAD but i treasure every single one of them.

Life is too short and i strongly believe that we should treasure every good thing that comes our way and not take it for granted. If you set your heart on something, do all you can to get it and when you do, make sure that you fight to keep it.

Moments,Memories,Friends and Faces make this life worth living


I've found my Princess and i'll fight to make sure that this story has a Good Ending to it


*To my baby girl,

THank you for everything and i want you to fight hard by my side through it all

I love you my sweetheart. You are the sweetest thing and you make me happy and proud to call you my girl

Here's to the Rest of my life with you :D

MUUUUUUUUUUUUACKS!!!!!!

:3

Thoughts for today..

*Been smelling stale blood and tasting it in the back of my throat since last night and i felt like vomiting :(

*It's really sucky to not be able to buy food and all i can do is to ignore the hunger pangs

*I am damn uncomfortable when i get hugged by my female colleague and i feel guilty even though i didn't do anything or want that hug


The rest is all Blah Blah Blah...


ANYWAY.....

** I miss my Awesome Baby Girl**
**This one's for you sweetheart**



RISE AGAINST -SWING LIFE AWAY


~Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer or we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

[Chorus]
We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long I think that it's time to move
The winter's so cold summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
I've got some friends some that I hardly know
But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

[Chorus]
We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand
Until you hold my hand

Ill show you mine if you show me yours first
Lets compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Lets unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end
I wont cross these streets until you hold my hand~



*No matter how hard things get, you can always count on me loving you with all my heart and to be there for you. You make me Proud to call you my girl and i don't want any other

You are Wonderful and Amazing and every moment with you is a precious gift

The flame in my heart for you will never die..

..unless you're the one who extinguishes it


Take my hand and we'll face this cruel world together
Don't be afraid
Be Strong(er)
I'm always here for you

I love you Sarina


Love you so damn much...

I bled for you....

This one's for B.P


What a day..


Finger pointed in my direction..Your words hitting me harder than a punch..

Pushing me into a corner.. where Shadows are Security..

The pain was too much to bear and i couldn't keep it bottled in so i ran into the storeroom and screamed my lungs out into my hoodie..

I guess that i did it too hard and it tore the surgical wounds.. Stupid me!

There was a little blood at first and i thought everything was ok but when i got home, the blood ran freely..

like wine.. only sweeter..


Maybe i need to bleed a little to show you how much this means... the puppy that's kicked away, only to return obediently

MAybe i should stop being Mr Nice..
But you know i can't cos it's in my soul to be someone good...


~Changes for the Better... hope in my heart






*Don't blame yourself.. I needed to let it out..








.. i FREAKIN miss my Baby Girl. .

HoogieBoogie!

.....


I feel shitty


.....




Bummer!

My baby stopped by to surprise me with lunch yesterday :D

It was really good to see her and we went to get Asal a gift for her b'day from toys r us.

She bought me a hotdog bun and orange juice!! :D

My baby is awesome lah! Even the shortest time spent together means a LOT to me :)

I love my baby to bits

*here's a song that reminds me of my fight against my 'leech'
It's by the band DOPE and it's called ANOTHER DAY


~~Another day goes by
And I don’t understand or know the reasons why
I’m looking for a change in life
But another day goes by

Here we go again

It’s today
I wish it was tomorrow though I think I’d say
Ya know I think it feels just like yesterday
So lately I’ve been looking for a change
But the more things change
The more they seem to stay the same
Here we go again

Another day goes by
And I don’t understand or know the reasons why
I’m looking for a change in life
But another day goes by

Here we go again

It’s a new day
It’s almost like tomorrow never came
Same old thing same old game different name
And every day I sing the same old song
And today I don’t feel like waking up
But the show must go on and on and on

Another day goes by
And I don’t understand and I don’t pretend to try
I wanna change my life
But another day goes by

Just when I get it right another day goes by

Here we go again

If I could change it or rearrange it
Tomorrow could be all right

So many days gone by
I still don’t understand but now I realize
I’m gonna change my life that’s right
While the days go by
I’m gonna change my life that’s right
While the days go by
I wanna change my life
But another day goes by

It’s just another day~~





I won't lose hope and i won't give up. I won't let this beat me and i won't fall.

Jason Sensation

Could i have this dance forever?

WORLD!!


I wanna tell you all how proud i am of my baby girl. The things she does for me and the positive changes she is making in her life makes me a helluva PROUD of her.
Some people may have gotten the wrong impression of her but i assure you guys/girls that Sarina means well.

She does have her 'moments' but so do we all and it's only human nature. Sometimes it's really hard but at the end of the day, all the bad things are pushed aside and only the good ones remain.
Forgiving and Forgetting is key in a relationship and so is Open Communication. Without them, the relationship is bound to hit a rut. Sarina is doing well in dealing with things in a more positive light and i really appreciate all that from the bottom of my heart.

She makes me really happy and the wonderful things she does always makes me smile. Not a day goes by without me thinking of her beautiful smile and those big brown eyes :D


*Darling,

Thank you for your true,honest love and for being my best friend and the person i can trust the most. You are the light in my life and the brightest burning star in the sky. We are all flawed but in my eyes, you are PERFECT

I love you with all my heart and soul. You are my Angel!

You are AWESOME POSSUM. You are Everything to me :D

*Quiero estar contigo para siempre--(i want to be with you forever)

Te quiero con todo mi corazón--(i love you with all my heart)


:3

My dear friends Prim and Suee stopped by at the store to surprise me yesterday. It was reall good to see them and the dearies bought me food and drinks.

*So Damn Sweet and Thoughtful lah!! hehehe

I went for my break with them and we headed to Toys R Us. We had lots of fun playing with the toys and suee kept giggling when i sang along to the nursery rhymes.

OOOOh!!! I spotted lots of monkey toys!! hehehe

The best part was when the 3 of us played with a voice changing device! Super Cool!!


The fun was short lived cos i had to return to work

Can't wait to see them soon.. EP LAunch!




EL SenSacion OUT!!

Tears, Plastic People, Bats and Toys in a Box..

Gosh! It's been a while since i've touched my computer.

Lots of things have happened in this few days, both Good and Bad...


*First up was the medical i went for on Monday for my post op review. I had my surgery two weeks before the day and have felt no improvement whatsoever. The doc told me that the surgery did not help and that i would have to go for more check ups and treatments. I was broken.. i mean, the surgery cost $700+ and it was all for nothing!
It really hurts cos i've put so much of hope on various treatments but all to no avail.. The only thing that came out of it all were tears and heartache..

This Fatigue is like a parasite that eats away at you. It torments and it drives you to the edge of madness. Some people don't understand how it feels to feel trapped and helpless...


**A certain someone at work has been bitching and complaining over the smallest things. It's really stupid and i think that some of the stuff said about me is unfair. I'm not gonna mention the name but if that person happens to read this then THAT person will know who it's about. TAke for example my surgery. I was given seven days of mc and yet i only took 5 out of it because i couldn't afford to lose money. The very next time i took an mc was because i had a medical in the afternoon last monday. Apparently to a certain someone, it's a BIG HOO HAH! That person thinks that i'm gonna take mc's consistently! You go around bitching to your friends in other Crumpler stores.

SERIOUSLY!! C'mon!! You think i fuckin take it for fun? This is not the only thing that pisses me off. You know, i'm so damn close to telling you off in your face about how much of a reality check you need but i keep my mouth shut out of respect. My Friend, take time to put yourself in my shoes. Don't be a goddamn coward and bitch behind peoples back
Ps*Don't think that someone told me this stuff cos i observe and find out stuff on my own.

Scrapping whatever money i have for my bills to the point of skipping meals etc. It's all damn sacrifice! You're born with a silver spoon in your mouth and you don't have to worry about lots of shit so PLEASE.. from a friend to another.. have more heart and be more down to earth. Do it through action and not just by words.


***My sweetheart surprised me at work yesterday and we took a walk to the toy section in taka cos i was looking for a toy that i really wanted(CARNAGE AND SPIDEY)
I saw two boxes of them a few days back but when we went there, i couldn't find them. I was really sad but i told myself that i would find it elsewhere

Bought Sushi for my Baby cos she was craving for it. Even though i didn't have enough for my ownself, i was happy to see the beautiful smile on her beautiful face :D

I LOVE HER!!!


****My baby and i went to Lido to watch THE DARK NIGHT and HOT DAMN!!! IT WAS MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME!!!!

As a comic fan since young, i've always been fascinated by BAtman(Don't worry, you're still my fav VENOM) and The Joker has always been my Favourite villian. Heath Ledger(R.I.P) played him to perfection and perhaps even took The Joker to the next level. He was really good! I mean, this is the first time i've been afraid of a villian in a movie. SICK..TWISTED..SCARY

Damn...


Baby and myself headed to far east for lunch and while we ate, i told her about the shit at work, my stress from the fatigue and how damn much i wanted things to get better. .

After we ate, we were walking to the toy store when she stopped me and told me that she had a surprise for me. She handed me a paper bag with a box and a letter inside. I read the letter and the hint inside it told me what was inside the box. .

It was The Carnage and Spidey toy that i had wanted and i was so freakin touched that i cried and hugged her tight. It really meant alot to me moreso because of all the shit that's been bothering me. I couldn't stop hugging and thanking her. It was a wonderful surprise and right there and then, i felt like my gift was worth more than anything in the stores. It was THAT SPECIAL :D


Sarina is amazing. She may have her 'silly' moments but i don't take the bad things to heart cos we are all human. What's important is that she knows her mistakes and she sincerely apologizes for them. It's our 6th month of being together next tuesday(the 12th) and i look back and smile at the tought of how far we've come.

From the strange way we met, to wanting to be good friends but ending up falling in love to the moments we have shared both good and bad. She's wonderful and she's my pillar of strength when my worries get the best of me. I don't ever want to lose her.
One life to live and i choose to spend it with her in happiness and good health


Sarina Baby, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. Thank You for Being Awesome Possum!!!


:3

Jason Sensation

Suffocating in Misery

I'm seriously sick of this..

This fatigue is driving me insane and it has to stop. i need to find a cure for this madness before i lose it.

The things it does to me. .The pain. .It's agonizing

The hurt it causes to my baby girl. She doesn't deserve this. It tears and eats at me to know that she cries for the things it does. She's been ever so patient and faithful and i treasure her.

*Sweetheart, thank you for being patient and understanding. I know it's hard for you at times and you put up with the effects of this damn thing. I'm Proud to call you my Partner and my Lover and no one can come in between us or change my love for you. You are an Amazing girl and not a day goes by that i don't think about or miss you.
I love you Sarina. I will fight this 'leech' and be rid of it..*

I've had enough of this torment..
2 and a half years of my life taken away from me. It's not right..


To my 'Leech'


irse a la mierda - FUCK OFF!!!!

Aye Carumba!! Needles!!!

I went for a second surgery on my nose yesterday and it was a really uncomfortable experience.

The first op i went for was to straighten my deviated septum and for that i was under general anasthesia which to the unitiated means that i'm asleep while the op is in progress.

This time round, i was under local anasthesia which means that only the part that was to be operated on would be numbed and the op was to reduce my inferior turbinates(tissue in the nose that swells when allergents are present)

Anyway, i was really nervous as i lay on the operating table. To be honest, i'm a big baby when it comes to needles :(


BAck to the op...

After waiting for around 15 minutes, my doctor came in to brief me about the whole procedure and soon after, it commenced.

A sheet with a small hole was placed over my face which allowed only my nose to be exposed. I was given a couple of injections into the tissue of both nostrils and i held my breath each time i felt the prick of the needle. After the whole are became numb, a long metal spoke which was attached to some device was pushed deep into the tissue and once it was in, a radio frequency was turned on and the spoke heated up and burned away the surrounding tissue. It was so damn uncomfortable and i could feel some pain even with the anasthesia but i bore with it. At one point, i felt nauseous and my whole body felt unbearably warm that i had to ask them to remove my blanket. The whole while the surgery took place, i wished that i had SArina's hand to hold. I missed her so much..

I could feel and taste blood and fluid run down my throat and i had to constantly swallow the sick taste of the mix of fluids.

The whole process took half an hour and i was thankful when it was finally over. My nose was bleeding and it felt swollen. A nurse came to push me back to my ward and once i got back to my bed, i fell asleep soon after.

A while later, i was woken up by my doctor who came to check on me and said everything looked fine. I was allowed to leave after changing up


Before i forget, a funny thing happened. On the Bed next to mine was a Mat who had ended his surgery and was going home. As he walked past my bed, he bowed his head and smiled at me meekly. What made it funnier was that he was a big sized guy who was covered in tattoos! It was so darn weird but i smiled back good naturedly

Well, it's onna take a few weeks for the results(if any) to show and i'm hoping for the best. I want an end to this fatigue and a chance to get back to the way i was...
Hope in My Heart


I've been given a 7 day mc till this sunday but i;m going back to work on friday cos i can't afford to lose any more money. It's the sad truth but all this sacrifice is for a better future

Some people are so spoilt that they take what they have for granted.... They get whatever they want and don't have to suffer like the 'little' people do.

Sigh...




Anw, Thanks to everyone who gave me their well Wishes. It means a lot guys and girls

God Bless You All


:D

This is the top half of the whole device. the metal spoke at the end is like 5 inches long and it went all the way into the tissue! Bummer!


After the Op, my nosie still bled!

I Promise I Won't Let Go

These past few days have been a little hard for sarii and me.

We talked about a lot of things. Stuff like her parents wanting to arrange a marriage for her cos to them, it won't be about love but instead on religion and status. The Stress of it got to the both of us and tears were shed by the both of us. I really think that it is unfair in this modern age to adhere to old traditions and stuff like that. I mean, we've only ONE short lifetime on this planet and i wanna live it without regrets. I wanna be with Sarii and no one else and i'll work hard to prove all our doubters wrong. As it is, i'm working my ass off to save up for our future and my damn medical bills. Skipping meals at work and relying on a pack of bread to sate my hunger for 2 to 3 days. That is one of the sacrifices i am willing to give to make the future a brighter one and NO ONE has the God given right to deny me what i want or to take away my happiness. Think about it. if you want something in life, you do all you can to achieve it and once you have it, you make sure that you take care of it and don't take things for granted. As for sarii's parents, when the time comes and i wanna make her my partner for life, i'll sit down with her and talk to her parents. It is a scary prospect but one which has to be done. With all our friends supporting us and as long as our love is strong, i believe it'll win them over. i have Faith


Another thing that was my uncalled for, was my jealousy at the prospect of her dancing with other guys at parties and stuff. I mean, i do trust her and she assured me that even if she did, it would mean nothing and that as long as no lines are crossed it'll be fine with me. She is her own person after all and i am not the type of guy to deny her what she wants or to control her life. That's not how things work for me. Love is all about trust and honesty and i trust every word she says just like she knows she can trust me. My friends can attest to that or else i wouldn't be the first person they turn to when something's the matter.



For those who are reading this and whose relationship is going through hard times or if you feel that the feeling of love ain't there anymore, don't give up on it no matter how bad things may seem. Do all you can to salvage it.
Relationships will be dull and stagnant if everything is monotonous..


Make every day with that person you love special.

Instead of the movies all the time, take them to the beach or something like that.

Have fun and learn to make each other laugh.

Learn from each other and encourage each other.

Don't forget the little things like saying 'i love you', buying flowers(YES! girls for guys too!), asking how your partners day was etc

Don't compromise on anything for the one you love :)

Don't let the little fights spoil things in the relationship. Learn to forgive and to forget.

Most Importantly, TRUST each other and be HONEST





~~For Sarii~~

Baby, i wanna publicly apologize for the times i've hurt you with the words i've said even though you know i didn't mean to. I want you to never doubt that i love you and that my heart beats only for you. I am dedicated to this love we share and i know that you are to :)

I love you very much Sweetheart. Be Strong and don't give up. Keep in your mind all the lessons i've taught you. I am proud of you for all the positive changes that you willingly undertake.


We both know that this relationship will have many obstacles but through it all, hold my hand tight and we'll fight for our love.

I won't give up!

For You..

For Me..

For Us..

ForEver!

~~These Words Are my Heart and Soul~~