My baby stopped by to surprise me with lunch yesterday :D

It was really good to see her and we went to get Asal a gift for her b'day from toys r us.

She bought me a hotdog bun and orange juice!! :D

My baby is awesome lah! Even the shortest time spent together means a LOT to me :)

I love my baby to bits

*here's a song that reminds me of my fight against my 'leech'
It's by the band DOPE and it's called ANOTHER DAY


~~Another day goes by
And I don’t understand or know the reasons why
I’m looking for a change in life
But another day goes by

Here we go again

It’s today
I wish it was tomorrow though I think I’d say
Ya know I think it feels just like yesterday
So lately I’ve been looking for a change
But the more things change
The more they seem to stay the same
Here we go again

Another day goes by
And I don’t understand or know the reasons why
I’m looking for a change in life
But another day goes by

Here we go again

It’s a new day
It’s almost like tomorrow never came
Same old thing same old game different name
And every day I sing the same old song
And today I don’t feel like waking up
But the show must go on and on and on

Another day goes by
And I don’t understand and I don’t pretend to try
I wanna change my life
But another day goes by

Just when I get it right another day goes by

Here we go again

If I could change it or rearrange it
Tomorrow could be all right

So many days gone by
I still don’t understand but now I realize
I’m gonna change my life that’s right
While the days go by
I’m gonna change my life that’s right
While the days go by
I wanna change my life
But another day goes by

It’s just another day~~





I won't lose hope and i won't give up. I won't let this beat me and i won't fall.

Jason Sensation

Could i have this dance forever?

WORLD!!


I wanna tell you all how proud i am of my baby girl. The things she does for me and the positive changes she is making in her life makes me a helluva PROUD of her.
Some people may have gotten the wrong impression of her but i assure you guys/girls that Sarina means well.

She does have her 'moments' but so do we all and it's only human nature. Sometimes it's really hard but at the end of the day, all the bad things are pushed aside and only the good ones remain.
Forgiving and Forgetting is key in a relationship and so is Open Communication. Without them, the relationship is bound to hit a rut. Sarina is doing well in dealing with things in a more positive light and i really appreciate all that from the bottom of my heart.

She makes me really happy and the wonderful things she does always makes me smile. Not a day goes by without me thinking of her beautiful smile and those big brown eyes :D


*Darling,

Thank you for your true,honest love and for being my best friend and the person i can trust the most. You are the light in my life and the brightest burning star in the sky. We are all flawed but in my eyes, you are PERFECT

I love you with all my heart and soul. You are my Angel!

You are AWESOME POSSUM. You are Everything to me :D

*Quiero estar contigo para siempre--(i want to be with you forever)

Te quiero con todo mi corazón--(i love you with all my heart)


:3

My dear friends Prim and Suee stopped by at the store to surprise me yesterday. It was reall good to see them and the dearies bought me food and drinks.

*So Damn Sweet and Thoughtful lah!! hehehe

I went for my break with them and we headed to Toys R Us. We had lots of fun playing with the toys and suee kept giggling when i sang along to the nursery rhymes.

OOOOh!!! I spotted lots of monkey toys!! hehehe

The best part was when the 3 of us played with a voice changing device! Super Cool!!


The fun was short lived cos i had to return to work

Can't wait to see them soon.. EP LAunch!




EL SenSacion OUT!!

Tears, Plastic People, Bats and Toys in a Box..

Gosh! It's been a while since i've touched my computer.

Lots of things have happened in this few days, both Good and Bad...


*First up was the medical i went for on Monday for my post op review. I had my surgery two weeks before the day and have felt no improvement whatsoever. The doc told me that the surgery did not help and that i would have to go for more check ups and treatments. I was broken.. i mean, the surgery cost $700+ and it was all for nothing!
It really hurts cos i've put so much of hope on various treatments but all to no avail.. The only thing that came out of it all were tears and heartache..

This Fatigue is like a parasite that eats away at you. It torments and it drives you to the edge of madness. Some people don't understand how it feels to feel trapped and helpless...


**A certain someone at work has been bitching and complaining over the smallest things. It's really stupid and i think that some of the stuff said about me is unfair. I'm not gonna mention the name but if that person happens to read this then THAT person will know who it's about. TAke for example my surgery. I was given seven days of mc and yet i only took 5 out of it because i couldn't afford to lose money. The very next time i took an mc was because i had a medical in the afternoon last monday. Apparently to a certain someone, it's a BIG HOO HAH! That person thinks that i'm gonna take mc's consistently! You go around bitching to your friends in other Crumpler stores.

SERIOUSLY!! C'mon!! You think i fuckin take it for fun? This is not the only thing that pisses me off. You know, i'm so damn close to telling you off in your face about how much of a reality check you need but i keep my mouth shut out of respect. My Friend, take time to put yourself in my shoes. Don't be a goddamn coward and bitch behind peoples back
Ps*Don't think that someone told me this stuff cos i observe and find out stuff on my own.

Scrapping whatever money i have for my bills to the point of skipping meals etc. It's all damn sacrifice! You're born with a silver spoon in your mouth and you don't have to worry about lots of shit so PLEASE.. from a friend to another.. have more heart and be more down to earth. Do it through action and not just by words.


***My sweetheart surprised me at work yesterday and we took a walk to the toy section in taka cos i was looking for a toy that i really wanted(CARNAGE AND SPIDEY)
I saw two boxes of them a few days back but when we went there, i couldn't find them. I was really sad but i told myself that i would find it elsewhere

Bought Sushi for my Baby cos she was craving for it. Even though i didn't have enough for my ownself, i was happy to see the beautiful smile on her beautiful face :D

I LOVE HER!!!


****My baby and i went to Lido to watch THE DARK NIGHT and HOT DAMN!!! IT WAS MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME!!!!

As a comic fan since young, i've always been fascinated by BAtman(Don't worry, you're still my fav VENOM) and The Joker has always been my Favourite villian. Heath Ledger(R.I.P) played him to perfection and perhaps even took The Joker to the next level. He was really good! I mean, this is the first time i've been afraid of a villian in a movie. SICK..TWISTED..SCARY

Damn...


Baby and myself headed to far east for lunch and while we ate, i told her about the shit at work, my stress from the fatigue and how damn much i wanted things to get better. .

After we ate, we were walking to the toy store when she stopped me and told me that she had a surprise for me. She handed me a paper bag with a box and a letter inside. I read the letter and the hint inside it told me what was inside the box. .

It was The Carnage and Spidey toy that i had wanted and i was so freakin touched that i cried and hugged her tight. It really meant alot to me moreso because of all the shit that's been bothering me. I couldn't stop hugging and thanking her. It was a wonderful surprise and right there and then, i felt like my gift was worth more than anything in the stores. It was THAT SPECIAL :D


Sarina is amazing. She may have her 'silly' moments but i don't take the bad things to heart cos we are all human. What's important is that she knows her mistakes and she sincerely apologizes for them. It's our 6th month of being together next tuesday(the 12th) and i look back and smile at the tought of how far we've come.

From the strange way we met, to wanting to be good friends but ending up falling in love to the moments we have shared both good and bad. She's wonderful and she's my pillar of strength when my worries get the best of me. I don't ever want to lose her.
One life to live and i choose to spend it with her in happiness and good health


Sarina Baby, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. Thank You for Being Awesome Possum!!!


:3

Jason Sensation

Suffocating in Misery

I'm seriously sick of this..

This fatigue is driving me insane and it has to stop. i need to find a cure for this madness before i lose it.

The things it does to me. .The pain. .It's agonizing

The hurt it causes to my baby girl. She doesn't deserve this. It tears and eats at me to know that she cries for the things it does. She's been ever so patient and faithful and i treasure her.

*Sweetheart, thank you for being patient and understanding. I know it's hard for you at times and you put up with the effects of this damn thing. I'm Proud to call you my Partner and my Lover and no one can come in between us or change my love for you. You are an Amazing girl and not a day goes by that i don't think about or miss you.
I love you Sarina. I will fight this 'leech' and be rid of it..*

I've had enough of this torment..
2 and a half years of my life taken away from me. It's not right..


To my 'Leech'


irse a la mierda - FUCK OFF!!!!

Aye Carumba!! Needles!!!

I went for a second surgery on my nose yesterday and it was a really uncomfortable experience.

The first op i went for was to straighten my deviated septum and for that i was under general anasthesia which to the unitiated means that i'm asleep while the op is in progress.

This time round, i was under local anasthesia which means that only the part that was to be operated on would be numbed and the op was to reduce my inferior turbinates(tissue in the nose that swells when allergents are present)

Anyway, i was really nervous as i lay on the operating table. To be honest, i'm a big baby when it comes to needles :(


BAck to the op...

After waiting for around 15 minutes, my doctor came in to brief me about the whole procedure and soon after, it commenced.

A sheet with a small hole was placed over my face which allowed only my nose to be exposed. I was given a couple of injections into the tissue of both nostrils and i held my breath each time i felt the prick of the needle. After the whole are became numb, a long metal spoke which was attached to some device was pushed deep into the tissue and once it was in, a radio frequency was turned on and the spoke heated up and burned away the surrounding tissue. It was so damn uncomfortable and i could feel some pain even with the anasthesia but i bore with it. At one point, i felt nauseous and my whole body felt unbearably warm that i had to ask them to remove my blanket. The whole while the surgery took place, i wished that i had SArina's hand to hold. I missed her so much..

I could feel and taste blood and fluid run down my throat and i had to constantly swallow the sick taste of the mix of fluids.

The whole process took half an hour and i was thankful when it was finally over. My nose was bleeding and it felt swollen. A nurse came to push me back to my ward and once i got back to my bed, i fell asleep soon after.

A while later, i was woken up by my doctor who came to check on me and said everything looked fine. I was allowed to leave after changing up


Before i forget, a funny thing happened. On the Bed next to mine was a Mat who had ended his surgery and was going home. As he walked past my bed, he bowed his head and smiled at me meekly. What made it funnier was that he was a big sized guy who was covered in tattoos! It was so darn weird but i smiled back good naturedly

Well, it's onna take a few weeks for the results(if any) to show and i'm hoping for the best. I want an end to this fatigue and a chance to get back to the way i was...
Hope in My Heart


I've been given a 7 day mc till this sunday but i;m going back to work on friday cos i can't afford to lose any more money. It's the sad truth but all this sacrifice is for a better future

Some people are so spoilt that they take what they have for granted.... They get whatever they want and don't have to suffer like the 'little' people do.

Sigh...




Anw, Thanks to everyone who gave me their well Wishes. It means a lot guys and girls

God Bless You All


:D

This is the top half of the whole device. the metal spoke at the end is like 5 inches long and it went all the way into the tissue! Bummer!


After the Op, my nosie still bled!

I Promise I Won't Let Go

These past few days have been a little hard for sarii and me.

We talked about a lot of things. Stuff like her parents wanting to arrange a marriage for her cos to them, it won't be about love but instead on religion and status. The Stress of it got to the both of us and tears were shed by the both of us. I really think that it is unfair in this modern age to adhere to old traditions and stuff like that. I mean, we've only ONE short lifetime on this planet and i wanna live it without regrets. I wanna be with Sarii and no one else and i'll work hard to prove all our doubters wrong. As it is, i'm working my ass off to save up for our future and my damn medical bills. Skipping meals at work and relying on a pack of bread to sate my hunger for 2 to 3 days. That is one of the sacrifices i am willing to give to make the future a brighter one and NO ONE has the God given right to deny me what i want or to take away my happiness. Think about it. if you want something in life, you do all you can to achieve it and once you have it, you make sure that you take care of it and don't take things for granted. As for sarii's parents, when the time comes and i wanna make her my partner for life, i'll sit down with her and talk to her parents. It is a scary prospect but one which has to be done. With all our friends supporting us and as long as our love is strong, i believe it'll win them over. i have Faith


Another thing that was my uncalled for, was my jealousy at the prospect of her dancing with other guys at parties and stuff. I mean, i do trust her and she assured me that even if she did, it would mean nothing and that as long as no lines are crossed it'll be fine with me. She is her own person after all and i am not the type of guy to deny her what she wants or to control her life. That's not how things work for me. Love is all about trust and honesty and i trust every word she says just like she knows she can trust me. My friends can attest to that or else i wouldn't be the first person they turn to when something's the matter.



For those who are reading this and whose relationship is going through hard times or if you feel that the feeling of love ain't there anymore, don't give up on it no matter how bad things may seem. Do all you can to salvage it.
Relationships will be dull and stagnant if everything is monotonous..


Make every day with that person you love special.

Instead of the movies all the time, take them to the beach or something like that.

Have fun and learn to make each other laugh.

Learn from each other and encourage each other.

Don't forget the little things like saying 'i love you', buying flowers(YES! girls for guys too!), asking how your partners day was etc

Don't compromise on anything for the one you love :)

Don't let the little fights spoil things in the relationship. Learn to forgive and to forget.

Most Importantly, TRUST each other and be HONEST





~~For Sarii~~

Baby, i wanna publicly apologize for the times i've hurt you with the words i've said even though you know i didn't mean to. I want you to never doubt that i love you and that my heart beats only for you. I am dedicated to this love we share and i know that you are to :)

I love you very much Sweetheart. Be Strong and don't give up. Keep in your mind all the lessons i've taught you. I am proud of you for all the positive changes that you willingly undertake.


We both know that this relationship will have many obstacles but through it all, hold my hand tight and we'll fight for our love.

I won't give up!

For You..

For Me..

For Us..

ForEver!

~~These Words Are my Heart and Soul~~

Web of Shadows

Little Spider, Little Spider
Why do you cry?
Are things not going right for you?
I see you struggle up the web your on,
despite how it feels inside.


Do you need a hand?
No you say?
Well, i'm sure you can do it :)
I see a Fire Inside You.
You WILL Do it.

You're not like the rest.
You care about others
and selfless in your acts.
Why do you do it even though
rewards for that are far and few?

You've been bullied for your kindness
yet you put on a smile.
You're patient and caring unlike,
the others of your kind.

You were once full of life
but now a shadow of your former self.
You wonder where all the energy went.
A torment that eats at you.
You had your heart broken and it made things worse
i heard.


Through it all you struggled.
Grasping straws for hope,
searching for truth and the cure.
Your attempts had proven futile,
yet you still see light in the darkness
and keep hope in your heart.

That's Good Little Spider... That's Good


I'm certain that there are Ones that are Bigger than you,
who are not as strong at heart!



Little Spider, Little Spider
What's that you say?
You long to break free from your skin
and start on a brand new slate?
You want to be what you were meant to be?


Then Fight Little Spider!
Push Hard from Within!
Let the old skin drop away
and come out feeling new.
Stretch out your hands and feel,
what it's like to be alive again.


For once you find new found energy,
the Symbol on your back will show.
Then everyone will see that the little Spider has,
Venom in his skin(in time you will see what i mean)

They will know that the Little Spider,
has been given a new lease in life.
An opportunity to make up for what he lost
and to be able to do what his heart desires.


Little Spider, Little Spider

Leave your mark on the world.
Show the ones who look down on you that,
that you are the one that proves them wrong

Gosh! It's been too damn long since i've updated my blog or touched my pc for that matter. . You guys and gals must have thought i climbed up a tree and forgot to come down aye?


What's happened in my life since the last post? well for starters, i joined Crumpler 3 weeks ago and it's been awesome :D It's a real fun place to work in and my colleagues are wacky! It doesn't feel like work at all and it's because we joke around and the environment there is really relaxed. Fun! Fun!

I'll try to take some pictures and post them up the next time :)




~Sarii Sweets and myself enjoyed watching kung fu panda and the Incredible Hulk! Awesome movies! KFP had so many coincidences that sari and myself share in real life. She's a real Darling! I love that girl! She's the sweetest thing(she bought me a comic book!!!) hehehehe
She makes me so damn Happy and i love her with all my heart and soul.. sounds cliched but it's true!!

~Hung Out with Ramon the whole night on the 24th and we encountered 'Flying Tarantulas' and Muay Thai Trannies!! That's Scary Shit!! Thank God we survived the night :P


~HAd A pleasant surprise when Neeraj and GAya turned up at the store and asked me to hang out for lunch. They brought me to Cineleisure and Sarii Baby surprised me there(she grabbed me from behind and i gave out a funny squeak!!)


*I'll fill up my bloggie the next day off i have guys.. so damn sorry about it :(


TAke Care and God Bless all of You :D









EL SenSacion

S is for Survive Not Suffer

LAst night after i got the results from my CPAP and fell into depression, i spent the night tossing and turning in bed and thinking about my fatigue and i told myself that all the sadness and anger would get me nothing. I decided to be positive and wake up to a new day with a smile even if the fatigue is bad. Guess What, i didn't feel too bad today and i hope this continues till the day i finally get rid of it.

Dear friends like Prim and Suee also have shit that they are dealing with and sometimes i wonder why stuff like this happens to the nice guys(and girls). Whatever it is, i hope that we find a way to rid ourselves of these 'leeches'

I wanna thank Sarii Sweets for being such a darling and for being true in her love for me. I love you lots Baby Girl :)



~RISE AGAINST -SURVIVE

Somewhere between happy, and total f**king wreck
Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge
Spend your waking moments, simply counting time
Is to Give up on your hopes and dreams, give up on your…

Life for you, has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We’ve all been sorry, we’ve all been hurt
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are

An obvious disinterest, a barely managed smile
A deep nod in agreement, a status quo exile
I shrink my obligations, I miss all your deadlines
I excel at quitting early, and f**king up my life

Life for you, has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We’ve all been sorry, we’ve all been hurt
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are

All smiles and sunshine, a perfect world on a perfect day
Everything always works out, I have never felt so f**king great
All smiles and sunshine, a perfect world on a perfect day
Everything always works out, I have never felt so great~

What do i do? Where do i turn to?

Guess What, as soon as i posted the last entry, i got my results for the cpap trial and the results show that my air passageways are not the problem so CPAP is not the solution.

I don't know what to do. . I feel so emotionally F**Ked Right now! All this time waiting and for what?? NOTHING!!!

I'm back to where i began. searching for a cure to this madness! Finding a way to free myself from it's clutches..

I can't even type out how i feel right now. I'm distressed! Shitty!

Heartache...


I'm crying my eyes out and i'm all alone here in my tears. This feeling of helplessness is driving me crazy. i HATE this fucking fatigue! What the FUCK did i ever do to deserve something like this..

ANGER
FRUSTRATION
DEPRESSION
HELPLESSNESS

Like some kind of Leech, You suck the life out of me...




SALVAME...



please

CPAP Update

Well, it's been a week with the CPAP on trial and there isn't any improvement on my condition whatsoever. The feeling really sucks you know. All the hope on it and nothing to show for at the end of the trial.

I guess that it'll take a bit more time before the improvements start to show but impatience is getting the best of me. I mean, 2 and a half years with this shit and i just want it to stop.

The main thing that i don't like about the CPAP thingee is that i have to sleep with a gas mask strapped to my face and it's really difficult to sleep with it on :(

Bummer Days!!

So yeah, what i'm gonna do is to give it more time and hope for the best.