Suffocating in Misery

I'm seriously sick of this..

This fatigue is driving me insane and it has to stop. i need to find a cure for this madness before i lose it.

The things it does to me. .The pain. .It's agonizing

The hurt it causes to my baby girl. She doesn't deserve this. It tears and eats at me to know that she cries for the things it does. She's been ever so patient and faithful and i treasure her.

*Sweetheart, thank you for being patient and understanding. I know it's hard for you at times and you put up with the effects of this damn thing. I'm Proud to call you my Partner and my Lover and no one can come in between us or change my love for you. You are an Amazing girl and not a day goes by that i don't think about or miss you.
I love you Sarina. I will fight this 'leech' and be rid of it..*

I've had enough of this torment..
2 and a half years of my life taken away from me. It's not right..


To my 'Leech'


irse a la mierda - FUCK OFF!!!!

Aye Carumba!! Needles!!!

I went for a second surgery on my nose yesterday and it was a really uncomfortable experience.

The first op i went for was to straighten my deviated septum and for that i was under general anasthesia which to the unitiated means that i'm asleep while the op is in progress.

This time round, i was under local anasthesia which means that only the part that was to be operated on would be numbed and the op was to reduce my inferior turbinates(tissue in the nose that swells when allergents are present)

Anyway, i was really nervous as i lay on the operating table. To be honest, i'm a big baby when it comes to needles :(


BAck to the op...

After waiting for around 15 minutes, my doctor came in to brief me about the whole procedure and soon after, it commenced.

A sheet with a small hole was placed over my face which allowed only my nose to be exposed. I was given a couple of injections into the tissue of both nostrils and i held my breath each time i felt the prick of the needle. After the whole are became numb, a long metal spoke which was attached to some device was pushed deep into the tissue and once it was in, a radio frequency was turned on and the spoke heated up and burned away the surrounding tissue. It was so damn uncomfortable and i could feel some pain even with the anasthesia but i bore with it. At one point, i felt nauseous and my whole body felt unbearably warm that i had to ask them to remove my blanket. The whole while the surgery took place, i wished that i had SArina's hand to hold. I missed her so much..

I could feel and taste blood and fluid run down my throat and i had to constantly swallow the sick taste of the mix of fluids.

The whole process took half an hour and i was thankful when it was finally over. My nose was bleeding and it felt swollen. A nurse came to push me back to my ward and once i got back to my bed, i fell asleep soon after.

A while later, i was woken up by my doctor who came to check on me and said everything looked fine. I was allowed to leave after changing up


Before i forget, a funny thing happened. On the Bed next to mine was a Mat who had ended his surgery and was going home. As he walked past my bed, he bowed his head and smiled at me meekly. What made it funnier was that he was a big sized guy who was covered in tattoos! It was so darn weird but i smiled back good naturedly

Well, it's onna take a few weeks for the results(if any) to show and i'm hoping for the best. I want an end to this fatigue and a chance to get back to the way i was...
Hope in My Heart


I've been given a 7 day mc till this sunday but i;m going back to work on friday cos i can't afford to lose any more money. It's the sad truth but all this sacrifice is for a better future

Some people are so spoilt that they take what they have for granted.... They get whatever they want and don't have to suffer like the 'little' people do.

Sigh...




Anw, Thanks to everyone who gave me their well Wishes. It means a lot guys and girls

God Bless You All


:D

This is the top half of the whole device. the metal spoke at the end is like 5 inches long and it went all the way into the tissue! Bummer!


After the Op, my nosie still bled!

I Promise I Won't Let Go

These past few days have been a little hard for sarii and me.

We talked about a lot of things. Stuff like her parents wanting to arrange a marriage for her cos to them, it won't be about love but instead on religion and status. The Stress of it got to the both of us and tears were shed by the both of us. I really think that it is unfair in this modern age to adhere to old traditions and stuff like that. I mean, we've only ONE short lifetime on this planet and i wanna live it without regrets. I wanna be with Sarii and no one else and i'll work hard to prove all our doubters wrong. As it is, i'm working my ass off to save up for our future and my damn medical bills. Skipping meals at work and relying on a pack of bread to sate my hunger for 2 to 3 days. That is one of the sacrifices i am willing to give to make the future a brighter one and NO ONE has the God given right to deny me what i want or to take away my happiness. Think about it. if you want something in life, you do all you can to achieve it and once you have it, you make sure that you take care of it and don't take things for granted. As for sarii's parents, when the time comes and i wanna make her my partner for life, i'll sit down with her and talk to her parents. It is a scary prospect but one which has to be done. With all our friends supporting us and as long as our love is strong, i believe it'll win them over. i have Faith


Another thing that was my uncalled for, was my jealousy at the prospect of her dancing with other guys at parties and stuff. I mean, i do trust her and she assured me that even if she did, it would mean nothing and that as long as no lines are crossed it'll be fine with me. She is her own person after all and i am not the type of guy to deny her what she wants or to control her life. That's not how things work for me. Love is all about trust and honesty and i trust every word she says just like she knows she can trust me. My friends can attest to that or else i wouldn't be the first person they turn to when something's the matter.



For those who are reading this and whose relationship is going through hard times or if you feel that the feeling of love ain't there anymore, don't give up on it no matter how bad things may seem. Do all you can to salvage it.
Relationships will be dull and stagnant if everything is monotonous..


Make every day with that person you love special.

Instead of the movies all the time, take them to the beach or something like that.

Have fun and learn to make each other laugh.

Learn from each other and encourage each other.

Don't forget the little things like saying 'i love you', buying flowers(YES! girls for guys too!), asking how your partners day was etc

Don't compromise on anything for the one you love :)

Don't let the little fights spoil things in the relationship. Learn to forgive and to forget.

Most Importantly, TRUST each other and be HONEST





~~For Sarii~~

Baby, i wanna publicly apologize for the times i've hurt you with the words i've said even though you know i didn't mean to. I want you to never doubt that i love you and that my heart beats only for you. I am dedicated to this love we share and i know that you are to :)

I love you very much Sweetheart. Be Strong and don't give up. Keep in your mind all the lessons i've taught you. I am proud of you for all the positive changes that you willingly undertake.


We both know that this relationship will have many obstacles but through it all, hold my hand tight and we'll fight for our love.

I won't give up!

For You..

For Me..

For Us..

ForEver!

~~These Words Are my Heart and Soul~~